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Written by Teacher Kavitha
“Play nicely.” “Color nicely.” These are phrases we hear often—so common, in fact, that their meaning is rarely questioned. But what does “nicely” actually mean? According to the dictionary, “nicely” can mean “in a pleasant, agreeable, or satisfactory manner.” But when used with children, it becomes vague and loaded with adult expectations. I often wonder if I’ve used these phrases myself. While I want to believe I haven’t, I likely have—considering how often I heard them growing up. If I were to dissect “play nicely,” what might a parent actually be trying to communicate? Perhaps: (1) Use the materials in a way that I think is appropriate. (2) Don’t make a mess. (3) Don’t be rough or loud. (4) Follow the social rules so others think well of you—and of me. In other words, “nicely” may be a catch-all for “make me comfortable.” But children don’t learn through comfort—they learn through engagement, risk-taking, and exploration. So instead of “play nicely,” what if we said: “Use the toys gently,” “Take turns with your friend,” or “Make sure everyone feels included.” These are direct, specific, and empowering. They respect the child’s capacity to understand and help them build clarity, not confusion. It’s time we replace vague social scripts with language that guides, not controls.
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Written by Teacher Kavitha
Today, I attended a fundraising event filled with laughter, music, creative stations, and of course—children eager to explore. While the event was vibrant and well-intentioned, I found myself drawn to quietly observing the way children interacted with their parents during play. What I noticed left me both reflective and a bit unsettled. At nearly every station, parents were quick to jump in—offering suggestions, guiding their children’s hands, explaining how to use materials “correctly,” or redirecting their children’s play toward a more “productive” outcome. What struck me most was how little space the children were given to simply explore, experiment, or even fail. It seemed that the adults were doing most of the playing. I couldn’t help but wonder: Why do we feel the need to constantly engage? Is there a fear that if we step back, we are being inattentive or unhelpful? Do we believe that every interaction must have an obvious educational outcome? Or is it that, as parents, we measure our value in our ability to instruct, guide, and direct? In our desire to be present and supportive, are we unintentionally overshadowing our children’s natural curiosity and capacity to create meaning from their own experiences? As an early childhood educator, I know the immense value of uninterrupted, child-led play. I’ve seen firsthand how children flourish when given the freedom to interact with materials on their own terms—testing ideas, solving problems, and constructing knowledge in ways that are deeply personal and developmentally appropriate. When adults dominate these moments, even with the best intentions, we risk diluting the richness of the child’s learning experience. This reminds me of a moment from my classroom last year. A child was deeply immersed in building a structure out of loose parts. It looked abstract—sticks poking out at odd angles, pebbles balanced precariously—but he was focused, calm, and confident. A parent walked over and, with a kind smile, asked, “Do you want me to show you how to make a house instead?” The child looked up briefly, then gently said, “I’m already making something. It’s a dragon’s cave.” That simple reply said it all—he didn’t need direction, just space. A gentle tip for parents and caregivers: The next time you find yourself tempted to guide or suggest during your child’s play, take a breath and pause. Instead of stepping in, try stepping back. Watch. Listen. Let their ideas lead. You might be amazed at what unfolds when we make room for their voices. Because play—true, unstructured, child-initiated play—isn’t a gap waiting to be filled by adult instruction. It is the learning. Written by Teacher Kavitha
If you are a parent, grandparent or work with young children, you may have come across a scenario where the child asks you to draw something for them multiple times. As an adult it’s tempting to quickly sketch out the cat or the truck for the child. But when we do this we unintentionally “model” how a cat or the truck should look, which can limit their creativity and self-expression. How do you respond to such a request? Do you draw it for them? I am guilty of drawing it for my own children too without realizing that I was perhaps limiting their creativity or discouraging them from trusting their own imagination up until I read this story "The Little Boy" by Helen E. Buckley. That was my experience with art growing up. And I did not want to be that teacher or parent who created a model for the child to mimic. I knew I had to change my approach and empower the children without taking over their creative process. Encouraging Children to Explore Their Own Ideas - When a child asks you to draw something, try responding with open ended questions:
These questions shift the focus back to the child, encouraging them to visualize and problem solve on their own. When adults create an example, children often try to copy it, and might feel frustrated if their version doesn’t look the same. There is no “wrong” way to draw a dinosaur - it can have 7 legs (all different lengths), triangle shaped body, different shaped eyes - it’s their version. Supporting Without taking Over - If a child seems unsure where to start, gentle guidance can help:
You can also bring out dinosaur books to look at the images. This approach provides support without taking control, giving the child the tools to make their own creative choices. Celebrating Their Unique Creations - Once the child finishes their drawing, focus on their effort and ideas rather than the accuracy of the image:
By allowing children to create their own version of a dinosaur - whether it has 8 legs, or a swirl for a tail - we honor their unique perspective. When a child asks, “Will you draw it for me?” try encouraging them to create their own. The goal isn’t to produce realistic drawing, but to give children the freedom to explore, create, and trust their artistic instincts. Written by Teacher Kavitha In a world where children are often given step-by-step instructions, process art offers a breath of fresh air. But what is process art? It is an open ended approach to creativity that allows young children to explore and experiment freely with the materials, focussing on the journey rather than the outcome. Unlike product art that aims for a specific result, process art empowers children to engage with available materials freely with no inputs from adults. This approach is not about creating “refrigerator art”, it’s about the joy, the engagement and the freedom to tinker with their ideas in a way that makes sense to them.
In her book, Preschool Art: It's the Process not the Product, process art advocate MaryAnn F. Kohl wrote “Young children do art for the experience, the exploration, the experimentation. In the process they discover mystery, creativity, joy, and frustration. The resulting masterpiece, whether it be a sticky glob or meritorious gallery piece, is only a result to the young child, not the reason for doing art in the first place.” Honoring Children - By allowing children to make choices in their creative process, we send the message that their ideas matter. Whether they choose to mix all the colors to make a shade of brown or create something abstract, mix unexpected textures, each decision reflects their choice. When adults celebrate this self-expression, children feel empowered and learn to trust their instincts and embrace their perspectives. Empowering Children - The freedom to experiment with colors, textures, drawing tools, clay, playdough fosters creativity, problem-solving, decision-making, and a deep sense of ownership over their work. It encourages children to take risks, make discoveries and trust their instincts- all essential skills for fostering confidence. A Judgement Free Zone - There are no rules to follow, and no “right” or “wrong” way to create. This freedom encourages children to think outside the box, challenge their assumptions, and develop their own creative problem-solving skills. They may encounter challenges along the way—like a material not working the way they imagined or an idea not turning out as expected—but these experiences become valuable opportunities for learning and growth. Through experimentation, children learn how to adapt, try again, and persevere, which strengthens their resilience and confidence. The Joy of Engaging - Whether it’s swirling the paint with their fingers, pressing objects into play dough, squeezing out glue to make blobs, or splattering the paint, they are choosing to interact with materials in a way that feels right to them. This sensory-rich play experience is an important vehicle for developing self-regulation, language, cognition and social competence. Process art is powerful. Process art is liberating. Process art is developmentally appropriate. By embracing a process-focussed approach, we give children the opportunity to PLAY and engage in a way that feels right to them. Here at FPNS, we invite children to play with the art materials and experience the joy of creating. Written by Teacher Stacy These kids are all preparing to learn to write: Learning to write requires many things that are not always obvious at first glance. Learning to write requires children to:
Before children can write, they need the core body stability to be able to sit and stand easily so they can also control the fine motor movements. We need to build this strength from the inside out - build the core muscles in the trunk, then big muscles in the legs and arms. For young children, this comes from play - riding bikes, climbing on the playground, running, dancing, and jumping. When children have lots of free, open play, they also learn to control their bodies. They can learn how to use their bodies, how to hold control of their bodies, and how to manage their own needs. Climbing, using play dough, using droppers, and many other fine motor skills help build the fine motor muscles necessary for writing. Before a child can hold a pencil to write, they need the hand strength to hold the pencil. Crossing the midline is the ability to cross an arm or leg to the other side of your body to accomplish a task. The ability to cross the midline begins in infancy and isn’t mastered until 8 or 9 years old. Dancing, painting on an easel, climbing, and lots of free movement help children master this skill so they are ready to write. Before we can write, we have to know that the marks on the page have meaning. Reading with children, inviting children to examine books independently, modeling writing, and discussing pictures or photographs with children are all ways to help children understand that these weird squiggles on paper are a form of communication, and that each mark has a specific meaning. Worksheets in preschool are unnecessary and in many cases unhelpful. At Fremont Parents’ Nursery School, we build the foundation first so they are ready to tackle whatever comes their way. Written by Teacher Stacy
“In any environment, both the degree of inventiveness and creativity, and the possibility of discovery, are directly proportional to the number and kind of variables in it.” (Nicholson, 1972, pg. 6) Some people call them “loose parts,” others call them “unstructured,” yet others “intelligent materials,” but in the end, they’re the same idea - materials for creation and play that do not have one specific purpose. A fire truck is always a fire truck, but a box can be anything you can imagine! While there is not a lot of formal research about loose parts play, there are suggestions that loose parts play encourages a different type of thinking and play that encourages development differently than more purpose-designed toys. Dale and Beglovsky say “when children interact with loose parts, they enter a world of 'what if' that promotes the type of thinking that leads to problem solving and theoretical reasoning. Loose parts enhance children’s ability to think imaginatively and see solutions, and they bring a sense of adventure and excitement to children’s play”. In loose parts play, children are required to negotiate, cooperate, understand that others have different ideas about the play, and create their own ideas. They can also be free to create their own worlds and play. In loose parts play, we invite children to create their own world, their own play, and use their own imagination. In supporting this play, they learn that their ideas are important to their peers and to the adults in their lives. When we play with children in their world, we show them that we see them as capable and intelligent human beings. We show them that their ideas are important and valuable to us, and help them develop a self-concept that sees themselves as important, capable, creative humans. References Daly, L., Beloglovsky, M., & Daly, J. (2015). Loose Parts: Inspiring play in young children. Red Leaf Press. Nicholson, S. (1972). The Theory of Loose Parts, An important principle for design methodology. Studies in Design Education Craft & Technology, 4(2) Written by Teacher Stacy
It feels good to hear that you’re doing a good job. Hearing praise makes us feel good, gives us a nice hit of dopamine, and can be very encouraging. We all want our children to feel good and appreciated. However, we often go about doing this the wrong way. Children need encouragement and validation, not praise. In the words of Dan Hodgins, “they need adults who ask, 'Do you need more paper?' They need adults who say, 'I remember when you couldn’t do that' and adults who observe, 'Look how high you can kick.'” When we give praise that simply says “good job” we teach children to look for that simple praise. Alfie Kohn says that such praise “leads [children] to measure their worth in terms of what will lead us to smile and dole out some more approval.” When the words we choose praise the children’s work, or validate the child’s efforts, children develop more resilience, more willingness to work hard, and exhibit more of a growth mindset later in life (e.g., Kelley et al., 2000; Henderlong and Lepper 2002; Gunderson et al., 2013; Gunderson et al., 2018a; Gunderson et al., 2018b, Lucca et al., 2019). Henderlong and Lepper (2002) argue that when praise is seen as sincere, it is more likely to increase intrinsic motivation when it promotes autonomy, competence, self-efficacy, and conveys realistic standards and expectations. It is also most effective when comparisons to other children are avoided, and when praise for easy tasks or that focus solely on ability are avoided. In giving detailed information about the child’s effort and work that we appreciate, we also show that we are paying attention to them. We validate their experience, their work, and their effort. In turn, we teach them the skills to get them through when things are hard or challenging, and we can help them develop resilience for the future. So what do I say?
Further Reading on Praise vs Validation https://parentingscience.com/effects-of-praise/ http://kindcocoamama.com/blog/praise-vs-validation http://www.alfiekohn.org/article/five-reasons-stop-saying-good-job/ References Gunderson EA, Gripshover SJ, Romero C, Dweck CS, Goldin-Meadow S, Levine SC. (2013) Parent praise to 1- to 3-year-olds predicts children’s motivational frameworks 5 years later. Child Dev. 84(5):1526-41. Gunderson EA, Donnellan MB, Robins RW, Trzesniewski KH. (2018) The specificity of parenting effects: Differential relations of parent praise and criticism to children’s theories of intelligence and learning goals. J Exp Child Psychol. 173:116-135. Gunderson EA, Sorhagen NS, Gripshover SJ, Dweck CS, Goldin-Meadow S, Levine SC. (2018) Parent praise to toddlers predicts fourth grade academic achievement via children’s incremental mindsets. Developmental Psychology. 54(3): 397-409 Henderlong J and Lepper MR. (2002) The effects of praise on children’s intrinsic motivation: A review and synthesis. Psychological Bulletin 128(5): 774-795. Hodgins, D. J. (2012). Get Over It!: Relearning Guidance Practices. Wilderness Adventure Books. https://books.google.com/books?id=G0p-mwEACAAJ Kelley SA, Brownell CA, and Campbell SB. (2000) Mastery motivation and self-evaluative affect in toddlers: longitudinal relations with maternal behavior. Child Development 71(4):1061-71. Lucca K, Horton R, Sommerville JA. 2019. Keep trying!: Parental language predicts infants’ persistence. Cognition. 193:104025. Meet our StaffWho Are We?
We are the staff of Fremont Parent’s Nursery School, a play-based, parent co-op preschool in Fremont, California. Through this blog, we will be sharing our thoughts on issues relevant to parents, families, and early childhood educators. We are passionate life-long learners who are constantly reflecting on what we do and seeking for new ideas. We are proponents of learning through play in early childhood and inspired by nature, the schools of Reggio Emilia, Italy, and the AnjiPlay philosophy in Anji, China. Kavitha Viswanathan, M.A., B.A, Lead Teacher Kavitha began her journey at Fremont Parents Nursery School in 2010 as a parent, later taking on a teaching position in 2018. She has a true passion for working with our youngest learners and strives to create an inclusive and supportive environment where each child (the family) can thrive. She values open communication with parents and collaboration with fellow teachers. Kavitha earned her Master's Degree in Language Arts, Bachelor's in Literature & Language from India, and Associate's Degree in ECE from Mission College, Santa Clara. Stacy Gohman, Ph.D., M.S., Lead Teacher A lifelong educator, Teacher Stacy came to FPNS in 2017 as a parent. Both of her children attended FPNS and after her younger child left FPNS in 2021, she joined the teaching staff. In her previous lives, she taught high school science, worked in museum education and exhibit development, and was a stay-at-home parent for 6 years. She has a bachelor’s degree in chemistry, master’s degree in geology, and Ph.D. in education. In her spare time, Stacy can be found at her sewing machine, hiking on local trails, playing with her two kids, and cuddling her cat, Hannah. Crystal Powers, B.A., Teacher Play-based learning is what first attracted me to FPNS and why I’ve remained involved with the school for almost a decade now. After earning my BA in Psychology from Marquette University, I returned to California with a mission to make sure children and adults with developmental disabilities were treated with dignity and given opportunities to participate in their own learning and lives. After serving as a parent volunteer at FPNS, I decided to return to school to focus on Early Childhood Education so that I could give back to this school which has given so much joy to my two children and my family. When I am not at FPNS, you can find me tie-dying at home or by a lake in the mountains spending time with my extended family. As a young child I was fortunate to attend a Parent Participating Preschool. This helped to setup my early learning skills and family friendly environment. To this day I have fond memories of my preschool learning experiences. I still have contact with other children from my preschool days and also their mother’s/father’s who were teacher assistants at my preschool. |
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