"Play Nicely"

Written by Teacher Kavitha

“Play nicely.” “Color nicely.” 

These are phrases we hear often—so common, in fact, that their meaning is rarely questioned. But what does “nicely” actually mean? According to the dictionary, “nicely” can mean “in a pleasant, agreeable, or satisfactory manner.” But when used with children, it becomes vague and loaded with adult expectations. 

I often wonder if I’ve used these phrases myself. While I want to believe I haven’t, I likely have—considering how often I heard them growing up. 

If I were to dissect “play nicely,” what might a parent actually be trying to communicate? Perhaps: 
(1) Use the materials in a way that I think is appropriate. 
(2) Don’t make a mess. 
(3) Don’t be rough or loud. 
(4) Follow the social rules so others think well of you—and of me. 

In other words, “nicely” may be a catch-all for “make me comfortable.” But children don’t learn through comfort—they learn through engagement, risk-taking, and exploration. So instead of “play nicely,” what if we said: “Use the toys gently,” “Take turns with your friend,” or “Make sure everyone feels included.” These are direct, specific, and empowering. They respect the child’s capacity to understand and help them build clarity, not confusion. It’s time we replace vague social scripts with language that guides, not controls.